I suffered a wave of anxiety yesterday evening that kept me awake for a fair proportion of the night. I was still churned up this morning so, despite being on a pretty idyllic mooring, after Bonny's walk, we moved on. I couldn't sit still for the day feeling as I was.
There was no one cause for my anxious feelings. The worries in the night included fear of the unknown canal ahead, what if I can't find food, what if Bonny runs off or gets sick, what if I can't manage the obstacles ahead. Deeper fears were about should I be doing this at all? What if I hurt myself, what if I run out of money, what if I am late meeting my friends near Napton, so maybe I shouldn't attempt Oxford?
None of these anxieties are particularly logical as there are fairly easy solutions to all of them. The real problem was I started looking down. Being a single handed boater (and liver) feels a bit like walking the tightrope. As long as I don't look down at the chasm of possible dangers, but keep my eyes ahead, then I'm fine. But just sometimes I take a quick look at the drop and then I am assailed by fears and 'what ifs'.
I felt fairly cowardly moving on as I had no proper reason to, but I am glad I did. The very action of cruising calmed me down. I got through the gathering at Braunston with no difficulty and then turned on to an entirely new canal for me... The Grand Union, stretching from London to Birmingham. I moored up between there and Napton and took a deep breath. Feeling better now.
Your doing the right thing....adventure, the name of the game,enough people following your blog will help you, keep going xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Michelle. Just a temporary wobble!
DeleteThanks Michelle. Just a temporary wobble!
DeleteHi Mandy, I found your blog through a tweet by Lynda. I'm impressed by your independence and determination. There are parallels to my gentle forays in my motorhome - or at least my hopes for it. I've had it over a year now, but the longest I've been away from home so far is the inside of a week. I'm hoping to be braver this summer. Now fully retired, there ought not to be anything holding me back, but ....! I look forward to reading more of your adventures.
ReplyDeleteBrian
Thanks for your encouragement. Hope you have many happy travels. It might be scary but it's also wonderful out here!
DeleteMandy it was lovely to meet you over the last few days. I was sorry I was not around when you left.
ReplyDeleteYou will be just fine. There is plenty of shops and places to find food for you both, moor up and just ask those around you if you are not sure.
You will soon become confident on the canals although you are alone. Keep your phone with you at all times then if you turn your ankle or something serious you can get yourself some help.
When I go out with the girls I always take the phone and have location services working so if anything goes wrong then I can find a map with exactly where I am if I need help. I think if I didn't have that I would not be so confident to walk the miles I do.
Facebook is great and the boating groups are so helpful, you only have to ask..
It isn't that scary out here you know!
Take care and I do hope we meet you both again..
Thank you for being so welcoming when I arrived on the 'prison' mooring Sue. And thanks for the good advice. Just a temporary wobble I think. I slept better last night and am all ready for Napton today!
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